I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
