and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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