? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
