We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
