did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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