Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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