If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
