i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
