I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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