So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
