I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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