I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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