Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
