Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
