You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
