The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
