we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
