im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Don't make out with my wife yet
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
