now i know why i became what i already was.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
