a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
