Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
