i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
