Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
