if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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