As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
