i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
