god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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