seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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