You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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