Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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