So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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