just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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