just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
