I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
