idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just had sex bonerless
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
