Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
This house was built for laser tag.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize