You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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