This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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