My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
This house was built for laser tag.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
