are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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