I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
