btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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