rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
