Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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