I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
