I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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