we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
