She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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