God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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