I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Randomize
