So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
4 words: hood of his car
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
