In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
