I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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