Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I look better un-naked...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
