I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
