Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
do herpes really smell.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
