So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We got so high we made milksteak
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
