Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
