Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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