I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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