his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
