she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
