i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
