i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
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You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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