Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
