Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
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i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
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Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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