Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
