My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
