Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
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he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
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I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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