...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
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I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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